Hey everyone!
I apologize for the long delay between entries, but to say that this last month or so has been overwhelming is a complete understatement. You have absolutely no idea how happy I am right now that May is finally here. I never thought the month of April would end. I know I did a video entry for my last blog entry, but I feel the need to elaborate on how the month of April has been for me as a whole.
I started off the month of April by losing one of my biggest cheerleaders. My aunt, my mom's oldest sister/my Godmother, passed away on April 2nd. Seriously, the biggest shock of my life, and I was beyond heartbroken. I felt like I lost a good bit of my heart that day. My aunt was the type of woman that was sweet and bold at the same time. She was truly a lover of people and gave her time towards taking care of others. She gave it her all every time, and she never complained about it one bit. Throughout this year, she had a few instances where she was sick, but she kept herself going so that she could continue to take care of my uncle who was still recovering from a triple bypass heart surgery back in November. Throughout that first week in April, I was in a complete fog. I cried a lot on the day she died, and the day after as well. However, I eventually had to be the strong one for my mom. My aunt and my mom were very very close. Lived in close proximity with each other, attended the same church, and talked on the phone EVERY day. Sometimes even two to three times a day. So you can only imagine just an inkling of what my mom has been going through while grieving. Even though it has now only been a month since she died, it is STILL tough. We're all getting through this day by day. Anyway, the same weekend of her funeral, my car decided to go kaput, and it couldn't be fixed. So there goes my dependable mode of transportation. For a woman like me that is use to being on the go, this was going to be big change for me. It gets better from here. April 10th, I lost my job, and honestly, it was a big blessing in disguise. The corporate world is not for me. Granted, I had been working in various corporate call centers on and off for the last seven years, and I was good at what I did, but at the end of the day, it is not my passion. Being fired gave me the closure that I needed to really move on with my life. I could now focus on my weight loss journey and focus on healing 100% from the surgery.
I felt free as a bird, but unmotivated at times. With everything that came at me within a week, I needed out of my house! Thankfully to some great friends, I was able to be out and about for two weekends in a row to some music shows. It was great to be out of the house and catching up with friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. It also felt good to get the compliments from people saying how I great I looked and noticing my weight loss. It made me feel so good to hear those kind words! I was feeling good about my life despite everything that had taken place! That all changed for me a week ago when I got a big reality check. In situations like this, you are always going to find out who your true friends are and who is going really be there for you when you need it. Granted, I have always been the go to person. I travel and do not mind spending the money for gas and driving the miles to places to support the endeavors of my friends. I had a weekend planned that I was looking forward to. A close friend of mine promised a ride and a place to stay. Things were looking good. Then as soon as something in the plans changed, that person bailed on me. I felt hurt. I was angry because as much as I stick my neck out for people, it sucks when it is not reciprocated back to you. I felt like no matter how much of my time or health that I sacrificed for others this last year and a half, I felt alone. I felt like I had no one there for me. It made me bitter and stressed out, and that was not going to help me in my weight loss journey. Even though I finally reached the milestone of getting below 300 pounds, my weight has been fluctuating back and forth that hurdle for the last week or so. It was frustrating to me. After a good talk with some great friends, I realized that I needed to use this time to take this weight loss journey up a notch.
This past Tuesday, I had my 2nd post surgery follow up appointment with my doctor. I explained to him of everything I was going through in April, and assured him that I was still following the diet. I was honest in letting him know that I didn't take in as many opportunities to exercise as I should have considering the circumstances, but told him that I was not giving up. An ultrasound was done on m gallbladder, and he saw that there could be potential problems with my gallbladder. The way he told me had me a little stressed. Don't get me wrong. I love my bariatric doctor, but it seemed like he wanted me to have it removed right away. I was not in the position to even make such a sudden decision. My insurance was about to lapse and whether I was going to have it continue to have the surgery or wait it out, I was going to have to end up spending more money on another surgery. I felt like I had reached the end of my emotional rope. Did not want to absorb anymore news of any kind, and I was so angry. After talking with my mom and a few close friends, I was able to calm down and do the praying and soul searching that I needed to clear my head. I came to the best decision that I could make for myself, and I now have a game plan of what I need to focus on.
Now that the month of May is here, I realize that I need to make a lot of sacrifices in order to get from point A to point B and beyond. Instead of stressing about bills or what I don't have a the moment, I'm going to focus more of my time in getting myself in shape. Going to do a 30 minute walk at least once a day. Twice if the weather permits. I'm going to continue on my progression diet (more so a lifestyle change) that was laid out for me by my nutritionist. I have been sharing on my personal Facebook page and on Instagram my protein shake/smoothie recipes using baby food. It's been nice to see the positive responses from that! :) Now that I don't have a dependable car, I'm going to cut back on any traveling until I get a new car. As much as I would love to be here, there, and everywhere, the reality of it all is that it's HARD to find a dependable person that is willing to give you a ride. So I'm just going to eliminate all of that stress by just sticking to what I need to focus on at home. If people want to see me, they can come to MY neck of the woods for once!
That is pretty much it for now. I have some personal goals for the next few months in regards to my weight, and now is a great time to kickstart those goals in gear! I'm more motivated and driven than I have ever been! I KNOW that I can make it through any hurdle in this journey!
