In order to BE in the race, you gotta be able to STAY in the race....

So I'm almost done with my second week of recovery & diet since getting sleeved on March 18th, and I think this week, I FINALLY found the energy that I completely lost for years prior to the surgery. It seem like for the majority of this week, I was up in the early hours of the mornings at times that my body just did not use to comprehend. Seriously, 6:00 am?! 7:00 am?! My body chemistry had no knowledge of these times before unless I was coming IN the house on the weekend from being out of town at a venue. Haha! I'm truly amazed at my own strength on a daily basis. Every single day, I move around so much better. For like 3-4 days out of this week, I started doing like 15 mins rep of non-stop walking in my house followed by a 10 minute rep of just light aerobics. I would have the music going from my TV, and then I would just let the movement of my body be the natural choreographer. Nothing special, but it WAS special. I found myself letting loose. I found myself enjoy myself at what I was doing. I found myself doing this WITHOUT getting out of breath and WITHOUT any joint or arthritis pain! Something that I haven't felt in THREE years! Truly the most amazing feeling in the world! I was so proud! I felt like I was truly on my way to really being able to incorporate something like this when I make my way back to working. I must be honest, today I felt like a lazy bum, but even God had a day of rest! So that's what I did today! I deserved it! :)

This past Tuesday March 26th, I had my first post-op follow up appointment with Dr. Turton, and ALL of my vitals were good! Blood pressure and pulse was normal. Weight loss results were great! Dr. Turton said that I was right on track! I was in his office with my mother with the biggest smile on my face. I truly feel like a new woman and with no regrets in deciding to have this surgery at all! Before he scheduled my next follow up appointment, we discussed about my six month goal, and he envisioned me to be somewhere between 225 & 250 lbs... pretty much the same goal that I had made for myself. He says if I keep on doing what I've been doing, that I will be well on my way! :)

I made my first video blog of my weight loss journey on Monday, and I had it uploaded to YouTube.

To be honest, it's not the BEST video, but it's a start! After getting some great feedback from friends, I know how I'm going to approach in doing these in the future! :)

DIET DIET DIET! Well, I am still on the clear/full liquid diet. Basically, I've been consuming water, protein shakes, watered down creamy soups, and baby food. YES... baby food. Don't laugh, but when you've had a surgery of this magnitude and your newer, smaller stomach is healing, this is the best way to go. It's simple, basic nutrition, and it's good for what it is right now! Granted, I WISH I could have real food, but it will eventually happen! I gotta continue to "crawl" before I "walk" in this diet progression. In order to BE in the race, you gotta be able to STAY in the race, and I will do what I can to stay in the fight! I'm finding more way to consume more ounces of water during  the day, but I still have not gotten the knack of how to consume at least 48 ounces of water a day AND trying to get my 60-80 ounces of protein a day. I'm sure I will eventually get it, but at this early stage of recovery, it's difficult. Especially when your new stomach can only hold up to 4 ounces at a time. Starting on April 1st, I move to pureed/blended foods. I'll at least be able to have cottage cheese, fat free/lowfat cheese, tuna, chicken, soggy sugar free cereal, and then in two weeks, soft food. THEN real food. It's a gradual progression nonetheless, but I'm pulling through. It's NOT easy, but it's WORTH it! :)

As of this morning, I weighed myself on the scale, and I am now at 306 pounds! That is a loss of 19 lbs since the surgery on March 18th, and total loss of 44 lbs since starting this journey November 28, 2012. Getting VERY close to kissing the 300s goodbye! The last time I was below 300 lbs was about seven years ago. So I'm looking forward to achieving that! I'm truly proud at how much I have overcome these last four months. To look back and see where I started to where I am now, I have no doubt that I will be successful in this journey. I WILL make my goals. I WILL conquer this!

The start of what will soon a long progression collage of my weight loss! 

A New Life... Rebirth.

You know the feeling after making a big decision in your life? Whether it's a new car, new apartment, new house, new zip code, new country even?! You have this overwhelming feeling that you are starting all over from scratch. That right there would perfectly describe how I have felt since having my surgery on Monday.

Whenever I am excited about something major happening in my life, my anxiety kicks into overdrive. I can't sleep. I can't focus. All I am looking forward to is the next point of action and I go from there. I think at the most... I had three hours of sleep the night before my surgery. It also didn't help that my phone was constantly blowing up with well wishes from so many of my friends and family. I didn't mind that at all. :) When my alarm went off, it was officially go time for me. I showered, I overpacked... literally. Lol. Then I was good to go. Gung ho. Just READY for what was to come!  The ride to West GA Medical in Lagrange was one of deep reflection & nerves. So many thoughts roaming through my head, but in the same token, I was so happy that the big day finally arrived. Not a single ounce of doubt or regret ever crossed my mind.

I finally arrived to the hospital, and I was feeling more & more overwhelmed... but in a good way. After getting my mom & I registered and taken care of, we were escorted to the pre-surgery area. I got changed, got my vitals checked, IV in place, and I was settled into the bed. Then came the waiting game... and it felt like I was waiting for a long time. It's a good thing my mom was with me because she calmed all of my fears that I had at that very moment. We prayed together, and before you know it, it was time for me to head to surgery. I waved goodbye to her as I was being rolled away, and the next thing I know, they were ready to give me the anesthesia. All I remembered was talking with the two anesthesia nurses, and the next thing I know.... I was waking up in the recovery room & in pain. I felt like I was a newborn baby being introduced to the world all over again. Everything felt like it happened in a flash.... The pain was a sign that wow.... I went through this! I kept being told that the surgery went well, and I was thankful for that.

Eventually, I was being transported to my hospital room to where I would get acquainted with the nursing staff for each shift and my bed & outline of my room. The first 12 hours post surgery was very trying. I was in a lot of pain... stomach AND back pain. The left side of my back was hurting the most & made it hard for me to be comfortable in bed to sleep. Thankfully, the nursing staff along with my mom was there for me every step of the way to make sure that I was as comfortable as possible. Hours after the surgery, I took my first walk on the hospital floor. I took it slow at first but as the hours passed by, the further I would walk.

The next day came, and I was awake very early because I had to have an x-ray done just to make sure that everything was perfect interally with the sleeve, incisions, and staple line in hopes that there were no leaks.  I had to take a sip of this awful stuff.... first liquid since having the surgery & it just made me want more and more ice chips. After going through that hurdle, I was transported back to my room ready for whatever was next. I was bathed & given my vitamin & meds for the day along with the first taste of broth & clear liquid drink since Sunday.  Throughout the second day at the hospital, I was feeling more comfortable as far as pain & my surroundings & I was still receiving messages & phone calls. I made it a point to take a photo to post on my Facebook page to let everyone know that I was doing okay. I also got a few visitors in my room, and it was just nice to see familiar faces & hear familiar voices. It was so comforting. It made this entire transition & part of my journey in my life worth it. After taking a few more walks on the floor & a goodnight sleep, the following morning arrived and it was time to say goodbye. I was excited about going home, but was grateful to the entire staff for being so wonderful during my stay.

The next few days leading up to now has been a huge transition for me as far as eating, sleeping... EVERYTHING. I am now dealing with a much smaller stomach, but yet I can already see & feel a difference in me. I feel lighter when I walk. My legs & feet right now are the smallest they have ever been in a long time. I truly feel the difference in eating & drinking something & feeling full so quickly after just a few bites or sips.  Each day is a progression and a challenge for me. I have done well so far in following the orders of my doctor, but it hasn't been easy by all means. As of this morning, March 23rd, I have lost 12 lbs since the surgery, and a total of 37 pounds since November. I am proud of myself & thankful that my mom was around to take care of me at home whenever I needed her. 313 lbs?! I'll take it, but I know I have a long way to go in order to reach my goal.

This coming Tuesday, I have a post surgery follow up with my doctor. I am more motivated & determined now than I have ever been in a long time. I know in my heart that truly made the right decision for myself!

Welcome to my NEW life!

It's a Bittersweet Symphony... A Surreal Farewell.

Wow.

It's now 11:51 pm Eastern Time, and my surgery will taking place a little over 11 hours from now. Words can never fully describe the feeling that I have right now as the hours get closer to my surgery. For the most part, I have been incredibly excited and anxious about this surgery! Nothing but positive thoughts and high hopes for the future, but when Friday March 15th rolled around, it seemed like my nerves started to kick in. I was completely unraveling like CRAZY! Not unsure or scared about the surgery, but just overstimulated and VERY much overwhelmed. I was stressing about things outside of the surgery, and I was crying a lot over the period of four to five hours that night. It lead me to write a nice little rant on my personal Facebook page.

"- This body HURTS. Being in this body SUCKS. 
Sick & tired of being just that.... sick & tired. For the longest time, I couldn't bear to even look at myself in the mirror without wanting to shatter it into a thousand pieces. Yeah, I do what I can to keep it together, but in the same token, I hurt so much. I may look like the life of the party & the bright light for everyone else, but deep inside, I've never felt so alone. Secretly measuring myself up to whoever is around me... even some of you.... and sometimes thinking I'll never measure up to her or him.... Sometimes thinking no matter what I do, it will never be enough. No matter how much I go go go... Never enough. Kind of hard to hear the word "beautiful" during this journey because it took me 29 out of 30 years to believe it for myself. Drained and praying that I don't lose heart.... ♥"

And THAT was exactly how I felt at the moment. Tired of this body. Tired of the pain that associated with this body, and just sick and tired of being... SICK AND TIRED! I was at the point where I was just drained. So emotionally drained. Taken to a dark place that I once knew and did NOT want to experience again. I had a long conversation with my mom, and it made me feel so much better. I came to some daunting conclusions through our conversation. Being that I have been obese for 23 out of 30 years of my life, I have NEVER been a healthy teenager NOR a healthy adult. I have spent my life trapped in a vicious cycle of emotional eating, security eating, and eating JUST to be eating. I don't have many recollections of myself being a skinny or HEALTHY person. PERIOD. What made my nerves unravel even more was the realization that after this surgery, I will no longer use food as a fuel for emotional eating, security eating, or eating just to be eating. Food was no longer going to be my security blanket. I was now going to have to treat food as fuel for my life. My health. My wellness. Yet, another "aha moment" was reached. Then my mom and I sat and tried to imagine what I would look like as a smaller sized me. It became really surreal to me then... because I realized that when I would look in the mirror months or even a year from now, I will not recognize the woman I see. All of it will be just a memory. 

It's truly bittersweet! For the majority of my life, I was this size, and eventually, I will no longer identify myself with the mentality of being the "fat friend", "chubby girl", or "big girl"... I'm laying all of that to rest right now! Though my weight will change, my heart and my personality will never change. That's what I want for my family and friends to realize more than anything! 

Today was the last day of the pre-surgery liquid diet, and I decided to weigh myself. As of this morning, I'm 325 lbs. I lost 16 pounds total since Monday March 11th through this liquid diet. I  was so relieved because I had gained a bit of that weight from the last couple of weeks of indulging in meals that I loved and craved so much. 

Pre-Op Weight: 325 lbs. These will officially be the "before" photos!

After an afternoon of spending time with family at church in celebration of another milestone in my parents' lives, I came home and decided to take some photos of myself. I decided that since I was already very open and candid about my journey, that it just wouldn't be fair to hold back when it came to the photos. So I let it all hang out, and it felt freeing. I want people to truly see in the long run how far I will come, and how far I will go from this moment. It's adios to the flabby arms, stomach gut, thunder thighs, thunder legs, thunder BOOTY... ALL OF THE ABOVE!!! 

This is a new beginning. Pre-destined by God himself, and I am going to walk into my DESTINY! 

The Day I Reached My "Aha Moment".....

Oprah Winfrey has been one of my longtime idols, and her signature phrase "aha moment" has made such a footprint into our social consciousness. What defines an "aha moment" is to define it as a moment of sudden realization, inspiration, insight, recognition, or comprehension. 

February 19, 2013 was the day that I had reached my "aha moment".

In the weeks and day prior to February 19th, I was playing the waiting game. Waiting for the phone call that I knew would change the direction of my life and health forever. Waiting patiently for the insurance company to either authorize or deny to cover my surgery. I had went through all of the requirements: the labwork, the nutrition class, the psychological evaluation, and the letter from my primary care physician to verify that I was morbidly obese went through. From January 28th and onward, I was playing the waiting game. So I did, and I moved on with my life as normal. Plus, my 30th Birthday was coming up! Though, I initially did not make any big plans for my birthday this year. The one thing that I wanted for my birthday the most already came to light.  What I wanted the most for my birthday this year was to see my brothers and best friends Within Reason win the Grammy Live contest for this year. I didn't care about a dinner, cake, or party. THIS was what I wanted. January 29th, I got the confirmation that my birthday wish was coming true, and I couldn't be any more happier for the guys! I was at work when I got the news, and I literally was screaming all over the workplace in excitement! I wanted them to have this moment just as badly as THEY did! So preparing for the Grammy Live celebration, going to shows on the weekend, and working during the week kept me distracted from thinking about the wait from the insurance company.

Taken during my birthday weekend!

My 30th Birthday came around on February 17, and it truly felt like a brand new chapter of my life. For some reason, I had this feeling within me that for the first time in my life, I truly feel like I am coming into my own. I feel so good about myself as a woman and CONFIDENT and HAPPY with my life and my decisions. I came a long way, and there were moments that I didn't think I would ever reach this age! I was truly overwhelmed that weekend from the mass amounts of phone calls, text messages, Facebook posts FULL of birthday wishes. My eyes welled up with tears quite a few times that day, and I was genuinely grateful and thankful for all of the kinds words and wishes. To me, life was GOOD. Little did I know that it was about to get better.

February 19th.  I was not feeling my best on that day by any means. All of the fun times from my birthday weekend was catching up with me, and my osteoarthritis was flaring up like crazy! I was feeling like CRUD! So I was sitting on my recliner, and I looked through my phone. My phone sometimes doesn't download any voice messages into the system in time. So in some instances, I would get them a day or two late. So I noticed I had a voice message from the 18th that I didn't know about. It was from Dr. Turton's office. Immediately, I was lit up like a kid on Christmas Day! The words I waited for weeks to hear.... The news that I wanted... That life changing phone call had arrived. Soon after, I called the nurse back. You couldn't deny the excitement in my voice! She went over the details with me, and we set a date for the surgery. I went with March 18th. Which is exactly ONE month and ONE day after my 30th birthday. The number one in numerology is a symbol for new beginnings, a journey of change, independence, and becoming who you really are. It FELT right. God was all in that! As soon as I hung up the phone with the nurse, I was in tears. Just shouting and thanking God for this blessing. I had reached my "aha moment."

IT WAS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN!

Everything about my life was going to change for good and for the BETTER. When my parents came home, I couldn't wait to tell them the news! They were just as happy as I was! I then proceed to text and Facebook message all of my closest friends, family, and second family. I wanted them to know first. I had decided for myself that I would eventually let EVERYONE know. For me personally, I want to be as open and candid as possible with EVERYONE. I didn't have that fear of worrying of what others would say or any negative feedback. None of that mattered to me. I was doing this for ME. So I updated my Facebook status letting everyone know what was going on, and I don't think I was ever ready for the mass pouring of love, support, and kind words from so many of my friends and family. I was in tears. It was truly overwhelming. What really stuck with me is the words a friend of mine who had the surgery a few months ago said to me. She told me, "Your new life doesn't begin on the day of your surgery. Your new life begins NOW." Words have never been truer than that. My new life was beginning right then on that day. I felt like it was a new birthday for me.

It was truly a divine destiny for everything to happen as they did, and it would inspire me and lead me to start this blog. It was time for me to make the most of what would be a full transformation. Not just physical, but a mental, emotional, AND spiritual transformation. It was truly been all of that and more. The journey has not ended... it's about to get SURREAL. The closer it gets to March 18th, the more surreal it gets for me. That woman that I see in the mirror now is not going to look like that in three months, or six months, or even a year. I am excited, anxious, and a good energy of nervous all at the same time!

The best is truly yet to come for me, and I am literally walking into my destiny.....

Walking into my destiny.... and there is no turning back!

Beautiful is BEYOND skin deep.

For most of my 30 years of living, I had a very POOR self image. For the longest time, I never considered myself to be beautiful. Maybe cute. Maybe just a little pretty... but never really BEAUTIFUL. Growing up as a chubby girl, I felt like my brain was washed with so many conceptions & MISconceptions of what beauty was. When you've been constantly picked on, laughed at, and bullied by your peers because of what you look like on the outside, it can be very difficult to have any form of high self-esteem... much less a positive self image. I hid behind a lot of my pain with a smile. That was my defense mechanism at all times. Yeah, pick on me all you want to, but I'm still going to smile. At least my smile would count for something.... What I would eventually realize so many years later is that beauty is so much more than the physical appearance. Beauty is the overall presence. It's your spirit. It's your heart. It's that light within that just draws people to you & makes them so attracted to you and what you're about. True beauty is not all about the size, and it took me a long time to realize that.

3rd Grade Me

I'm not going to lie. Going through puberty was hell on Earth for this small town preacher's daughter. I started earlier that every other girl in my class. I started growing boobs in the 5th grade which made going to PE class at the age of 10 &11 VERY awkward. I can't say that I remember being an A, B, OR C cup. I honestly believe that I went straight into a D cup. I come from a family of women that are very big breasted. It was bound to be inevitable, right?! Not to mention, one of the first girls in my class to be introduced to Mother Nature herself. Big boobs AND a monthly period at TEN?! SERIOUSLY?! I always felt like an old soul during my youth, but nothing could have prepared me for ANY of that. I was already halfway to 200 pounds at that age, but good lord, did I have some extra cushion included in that! Again, AWKWARD. I think I made it worse for myself in 6th grade.  You're at that age where you feel that you're becoming too grown for the looks that you had before. Looking back on it now through photos, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!  As a little girl, I had the most BEAUTIFUL long hair. Pressed and curled EVERY Saturday morning at Mrs. Hannah's house (RIP). Oh the memories of my mom taking me over there for her to wash, press, and curl my hair while watching Soul Train on the TV.

4th Grade Me

Around 4th grade, I had the idea of wanting a jheri curl in my hair. A few of my cousins had that, and I thought it would look great for me. So we made it happen. I actually looked cute! I liked it! Kept it all through 4th and 5th grade. For soooooome reason, I had the notion in 6th grade to get a hair cut. For WHAT reason, I don't even recall. BIG MISTAKE. Looking back on it now, I WISHED I had kept my long hair at the time. I guess I was trying to be a little grown before my time. I mean hey I had the boobs to match... WHY NOT?!

If I thought PE class was awkward in 5th & 6th grade, then 7th & 8th grade made it much worse for me. Having to change in front of my fellow female classmates did not help with my self esteem at all. Not one bit. The female PE coach at the time didn't make it easier either. Cannot begin to tell you the many times I wanted to skip class because of her and how she made me feel about myself. Pure grade A BITCH was what she was. Did not like running laps because of the size of my boobs. Refused to, and sat out many times because of it. I was willing to risk my honor roll average because of that dreaded class. Good thing being in band took care of that for the rest of my school years.

7th Grade Me

8th Grade Me

As always beyond all of that, I manage to go through life ... with a smile. Because I was one of the bigger sizes girls in my class, it definitely made me more of a target for the boys just to be playful and mean. Teens can be so cruel... especially when you're at the age of trying to fit in and find your placing in life. I eventually just decided NOT to fit in and just be cool with whoever. Cliques were not my thing. It never mattered what a person wore or how they looked, I just got along with PEOPLE. I thought high school would be a little bit better, but no matter how many times I would try to muster through it, at the end of the day, I didn't even think I could compare in beauty to my skinnier classmates. Shopping during my teen years was not easy. There were not many popular clothing options for girls my size. It was never the case like it is nowadays for teenage girls. So all of the dresses I would have for myself looked nice on me, but made me look a little older, and I hated that. For once, I wanted to be AND feel as beautiful as my skinnier classmates. I'll admit. College was a little easier for me. I realized college was a time that no one really pin pointed your looks. Nobody cared! Everyone was free to dress as they pleased! I was a little relieved at that... but having the majority of your college roommates be at least 100 pounds smaller than you... Yeah. Did not help. Didn't matter how many times I was complimented for how I looked a certain day or what I wore, my self esteem was SHOT.

Sophomore Year at Auburn (Fall 2002)

First Year at JSU (Fall 2003)

The older I got in my 20s, the more I started to feel comfortable in my skin. I start to realize what worked for me and went with it. I made it work for my size. I used my best assets.. and by that, I mean I dressed to accentuate the huge boobs that God gave me. LOL. Dirty pillows. Jugs. Tig Ol Bitties. YES. They are MINE. ... In all seriousness, even in the years where I started to become comfortable in my skin, deep inside, I was still comparing myself to my skinnier friends. Honestly, I still do that now. I can take compliments a lot better nowadays, but it use to be so hard for me to take because I just DIDN'T believe it. It was hard for me to believe it when someone would tell me that I was pretty, cute, beautiful, gorgeous because I didn't see that in the mirror for a long time. Many times where I would cry at the sight of how I looked and HATING it. Wanting to break that mirror that I was looking at because I couldn't stand the way I look. How did I allow myself to get this way?

I had to end up realizing that hating myself and my image would mean hating the way God made me. Obviously, He had to be doing something right. Beauty is not entirely about your physical appearance on the outside. It's all about how you feel on the inside and so much more! In going through this journey, it has been tough to hear the whole "you're beautiful just the way you are" comments coming from friends and peers. I understand where they're coming from. I HAVE become comfortable in my skin. I have made my size work for me.... but now I have to think along the lines of being healthy. Being this body HURTS. I have to make a change! FOR ME! Beautiful is BEYOND skin deep. It's my spirit. My heart. My love. My light. My true nature within. Yes, I'm going to lose this weight along the way, but it won't change my personality, and it will never alter the amount of love I'll have for people.






For once, I'm just ready to look the way I've always felt on the inside, and be HAPPY with myself.

Sometimes goodbye IS a second chance....

November 28, 2012.

What does that day mean to me? That day means EVERYTHING.

Rewinding to a few days before that. I was an emotional mess. I allowed myself to be a jealous drunken fool. I was on the verge of not only ruining a great connection/friendship with one person that I loved & cared about more than anything, but also on the verge of literally killing myself... back into that cycle of emotional eating. I was beating myself up so hard. I had reached my breaking point. I couldn't go through it anymore. I was tired of what I was subconsciously doing to myself. I am still young! I still have a lot of living to do, but if I didn't take the initiative to really CHANGE my lifestyle, my eating habits, EVERYTHING for my health, I knew I wouldn't live past 30. Plus it didn't help that with my family history of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.... ALL of those factors were against me & would hit HARD if I didn't make a change.

So what does November 28, 2012 REALLY mean to me?

That was the start of this journey. The day where I realized that I owed it to MYSELF to be the healthiest woman that I can be. The day where I realized that I did not want to go turn 30 and go through my 30s with the same existing health problems. That day I had an appointment with my primary care physician. I stepped on the scale, and I could just cry. 350 pounds. The heaviest I had ever been in my life. I couldn't believe that I allowed myself to get to that weight. I went into the exam room & waiting on my doctor. My primary care physician has literally known me since I was 17. She has literally watched me grow into the adult woman that I am today. So that day, she was not just my doctor. She was my friend, and I was ready to pour my heart out to her. When she walked in, I literally was in tears.  I told her that I'm tired of living in this body & literally killing myself everyday in it. She understood that without any doubt. She knew how much I had struggled with my weight in the years we've known each other. I told her that I was ready to undergo this journey, and I was considering surgery. So she made arrangements to refer me to a great bariatric surgeon located in Lagrange, GA. Dr. Wes Turton. She said that I would first have to go to a weight loss seminar, and then everything else would fall into place then. We talked so more, and I finally felt like a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders. I knew right then, that I made the right decision for myself.

I went home, and I made a game plan. I was gonna start changing my eating and drinking habits right away. I knew what I needed to do for myself, and I was determined to make it happen. I made a vow that I was gonna cut back on the things that were a huge detriment to my health: breads, sweets, sodas, and fast food.  I knew I was taking really drastic means, but I wasn't going to let anyone sway me from that. I was MOTIVATED to make this happen, and I was doing this for ME and no one else.  So that weekend & every other weekend from then on, I went to the grocery store, & I would buy nothing but fruits, vegetables, V8 juice, Naked juice, soy milk, almond milk, high fiber cereals, fat free dressings, high protein tuna & crab, fat free cottage cheese, fat free shredded cheese and spreadable cheeses, fat free crackers, and low fat low calorie soups. Yeah. BIG changes were being made. I wanted to get into the habit of this early on so that when the time came for my surgery, it wouldn't be a huge shock to the body.

So December 13, 2012 was the day of the seminar. I was very excited, but also very nervous because I didn't know what to expect... I didn't know who else would be there. Would there be anyone else I knew at this? So I made it a point to come prepared to take any notes & ask any questions. So I walked into the room, and noticed three other women with their husbands/significant others. I felt a little odd at first for coming in alone, but I refused to let that bother me. Dr. Turton walked in and began the seminar. From the first moment of seeing him, I knew that he would be the perfect doctor for me to help me on this journey. As he was talking about the procedures (Lap Band, Gastric Bypass, Gastric Sleeve), I was already writing notes, filling out form, etc. I felt like I was in a class, but the purpose of this seminar WAS to educate me & help me in my decision making process. When he started talking about the gastric sleeve, I knew that would be the perfect choice procedure for me. After hearing horror stories about the lap band and possible band slippage post surgery, I was dead against it. I was leaning toward Gastric Bypass, but after hearing about the similarities and safer risks of the Gastric Sleeve, I knew that would be the best route for me. So after the seminar, the nurse took my forms, and set the date for what would be my initial appointment with Dr. Turton in January. I got into my car with a sense of WOW.... my life is truly about to change! I couldn't wait for that appointment with him! In the meantime, I would continue on with the changes in my diet. I started walking a few mornings out of the week, and I was drinking water like it was soda! As the weeks went by leading up to New Years Eve, the weight was coming off. I could see a difference. My peers, coworkers, and friends started to see a change. It was such an amazing feeling to see the transformation take place. By the time New Years Eve arrived, I had lost 20 pounds. I was so proud of myself! I couldn't believe that this was happening, and how much progress I was making! I was anxious and excited about what 2013 would be like for me!

The day came for my initial appointment with Dr. Turton on January 8th, and I was just full of excitement and ready to do whatever I needed to do to speed the process of this journey. I walked into the office, and all of the nurses were so kind and welcoming, and that alone would help this process tremendously. So after the nurses weighed me & took my vitals, they took me to the exam room to wait for Dr. Turton. When he finally walked in, I had the overwhelming sense of excitement and anxiety all at once. We discussed about my decision for the gastric sleeve surgery, and from there, he discussed with me the plan of action that I would need to do prior to my insurance company authorizing the approval of this surgery. So within that week, I had the necessary lab work done, went to a nutrition class, and did my psychological evaluation needed to see if I was mentally ready to undergo such a huge change in my life. After all was said and done, all I needed was for my primary care physician to send a letter of proof that I had been morbidly obese for at least five years to send off for my insurance. Now, it was time for the waiting game...

It finally hit me hard. Everything was about to really change... and for the better. I realized that this was not only going to be a physical transformation, but a mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation as well. It was a way of saying goodbye to all of the old habits that were hindering me from being the healthiest that I could be.

In the words of Shinedown, "Sometimes goodbye is a second chance." I was truly getting a second chance at my life, and I owed it to myself to take full advantage of that.

Fat friend = Friend Zone?!

I'm not gonna lie to you.
I am a HUGE romantic sap. Always have been. I am a sucker for romantic comedies and happy endings. I guarantee you that I will be one of the first ones to congratulate you on your new relationship, engagement, or marriage. I have been to more than my share of weddings throughout my adult life. On the outside, I swear I will be the happiest person for you! ..... But deep down inside, part of me is hurting. Time after time just hurting and wishing and hoping and praying that ONE DAY I could have that same happiness for MYSELF.
Let's be for real. We live in a predominantly shallow society. If you look back on the last 20 years with the media, TV, movies, music, internet... what do the couples mostly look like? It's your same cookie cutter "Perfect Relationship" mold. Look at the shows & the movies of the last two decades! Same premise. It always show the ones with the perfect bodies successful or more likely to get in a relationship. There's always the stereotypical fat friend that always support the best friend on dates, but never has the happy ending for themselves. They may have a crush or admiration for someone, but those feelings are never reciprocated back to them. It's those visuals that put women, ESPECIALLY those who are heavier in size, in an emotional frenzy because we are trying so hard to emulate and BE what we see! We ALL want that happy ending.... and to me, I have always thought that no matter what your size is, we all deserve a chance at love. Here's the reality check.... it doesn't always work that way. Sad, but true.
Throughout my life, I have always secret labeled myself and could relate to the term of being the "fat" friend. Granted, I have female friends of all shapes & sizes, but the truth of the matter is, if you were to put us all in a group (especially at an outing), I would be one of the heavier ones...if not the heaviest. That has always been so daunting to me, and I was always intimidated by that. Due to that intimidation, I always felt that I was going to be 2nd best compared to my skinnier friends. It took a very long time for me to be fully comfortable in my skin and consider myself to be beautiful & BELIEVE it.  I never expressed it like I wanted to because once again... I always hid behind a smile.
Being a small town preacher's daughter, there was little to no dating for me at all in high school. Not because I couldn't, but because I was 1. Too shy to ask a guy out for fear of rejection, and 2. I always felt that a date with the fat girl would always be the pity date. Plus, in my dad's eyes, there wasn't any guy good enough for his baby girl.  So instead, I stayed quiet and to myself as I watched or heard about my high school friends going on dates. I was on that sideline.... I didn't even get my first kiss until I was in my 20s for crying out loud!!!  It was always difficult for me to express my feelings vocally because I didn't think anyone would take me seriously. I can remember an instance during my sophomore year where I tested the waters a little. Every year for Valentines Day, our school's Honor Society would sell carnations with a paper heart where you could write a message. I had a longtime crush on a guy friend of mine at the time. Cute white guy with gorgeous eyes & a wonderful smile. We always had this competitive friendship, but I never had the courage to tell him vocally how I felt about him. Anyways, I took it upon myself to buy a carnation for him that would include a message long enough to fill up the entire heart & I signed it as "Your Secret Admirer"... I was waaaay too scared to put my name on this!!! So Valentines Day came around, and the members of the Honor Society would deliver the carnations. I was nervous the whole day because I knew he would eventually get his carnation & read that message. I remember being in band class later that afternoon, & I was scoping him out from afar... It just so happened that he was talking to a friend of his about my carnation & my message! I'll never forget the look on his face... shock & wonder of who this mystery girl could be?! Looking back on it now, I wished I had the courage to go up to him at that point & confess. He eventually found out before we graduated, but not in the way I would have liked it. Amazing how things come up in bouts of angry teen girl. :(
The fear & cold reality of rejection keep me so bound from being able to put myself out there when it came to dating and relationships. To fix that and keep it at bay, I would eat for comfort. I have always identified myself as an emotional eater, and it has proven through several instances of rejection in my adult life to be a very vicious cycle. A cycle that needed to end.  The funny thing about it all is that I never had a problem making friends. Especially guy friends. Took me awhile to really admit that I am a natural flirt. I realized that big time in college. I have a bubbly personality. Genuinely sweet. I love to make others feel good... all the recipe for being a natural flirt! Hey, I didn't have the skinny body going for me. So why not let my personality shine!?! College became a time for experimentation... laying aside the things I was taught, and experimenting with new things.  Trust me when I say that as long as alcohol was involved, there was a lot of experimenting to be had. If there is one thing I can say about the college experience is that you definitely experiment with every aspect of your life and who you are as a person. Hormones are raging, and it seems like the only attention worth getting was sexual attention.
So being in my 20s, I had that mindset, but I hated that it had to be that way. It made me constantly wonder, will I ever have a guy to truly love me for me?. I KNEW that I had a lot to offer a woman. Great personality, sense of humor, intelligent, caring, respectful.... but the truth of the matter is... Guys are always going to be initially attracted to what they see at first. So I felt that being a plus size girl, I would be at a disadvantage. Didn't help that I also have huge curves... the big boobs and butt to match. I pride myself in being a curvy woman, and part of me loved the attention I would get with that, but I would eventually feel empty because I knew that it would lead to that same sexual attention. I deserved so much more than that! So as always, I turned to food for comfort. Alcohol became my comfort as well as my liquid courage, and because of it, it nearly damaged two friendships.... with two guys that I honestly care about and love so much.
Truthfully, I've spent the majority of my 20s being in LUST with most of the guys I ever had feelings for. One instance of being in lust when I thought it was love nearly killed me, and it took a long time for me to recover from that AND recover that friendship with that guy. It took me to a very dark period in my life that I never thought I would heal from it...  Honestly, I have only been in love TWICE in my life with two different guys & two different periods of my life. Once again, I always had a problem with vocally expressing how I truly felt about them, & time & our friendship would continue to go on... while I hid behind my true feelings. The most recent instance of this happened late last year, and I regret my actions that night. I'm all about venting problems...but not while being drunk..... and/or on Facebook. I was a jealous drunken fool that night, and I allowed my emotions to overtake me. I ended up doing the drunken venting on Facebook...and went MIA... To come back to that post after the fact and after sobering up...to see the replies and posts from friends with harsh words based on my rant from that night... My heart sank when a comment from him came up, and I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same... I felt like I was losing him, and it was all my fault.  I spent the following days after beating myself up mentally & emotionally for what I said... and I was on an eating binge. I had reached my breaking point, and I got tired of allowing myself to be in that same cycle of emotional eating. That was the moment of clarity I needed to be able to start on this weight loss journey. Not because of the guy or the situation that happened. It was because I realized that I owed it to myself and my HEALTH to make that change and not allow myself to continue that vicious cycle of emotional eating and binging.
So does being the fat friend automatically put you in the friend zone? In my lifetime...with what I have experienced... yeah. It shouldn't be that way. It took me a long time to fully believe that I am beautiful.. on the outside as well as the inside. I KNOW that I have a lot to offer as a woman, but honestly, I am tired of being the fat friend. I know what I deserve, and it took a lot of thinking to realize that I too deserve MY PRINCE CHARMING. MY perfect guy. MY lover. MY soulmate.... I don't want to be the option, the side dish, or just a piece of ass and boobs. My value is worth so much more than all of that.
Time for me to exude on the outside what I have always felt on the inside.

Silly adults! Bullying is NOT just for kids!

The topic of bullying has made such a prominent presence in the news and social media in the last year and a half. It truly breaks my heart to hear of kids that have taken their own lives due to the bullying that they endured while attending school. It hits way too close to home for me. As an adult, I try my best to steer clear of reading tragedies about kids and teens that were bullied because of their race, lifestyle, sexual preference, or their weight.... ESPECIALLY their weight. It brings me back to periods of my life that STILL haunt me to this day. It is true what they say. The things that you go through in your childhood DO follow you into adulthood, and for those who may not have went through it, they can't really relate to it. They can sympathize and empathize with you, but at the end of the day, they can't fully relate. If there is one thing that I have learned in my life that has stuck with me, I have learned that people are going to be JUST who they are. It is not up to us to change them, but it is up to us to express to them how they make us feel. It is up to THEM to make that change in their lives. This definitely applies to bullies AND victims of bullying.

Looking back on my childhood, I felt like I was dealt with a double whammy. I was a fat kid AND a black girl growing up in the South. Talk about a perfect recipe for bullying! Not to mention, I grew up in a small Alabama town AND being the daughter of a Preacher. AGAIN! The PERFECT recipe for bullying! Obviously, God thought I was strong enough to handle this, but I questioned that throughout my life at times. My dad always told me, "If you want to have friends, you have to show yourself to be friendly." That always stuck with me, and that is how I always portrayed to other kids. I was nice and friendly to everyone, and that is not going to be received by everyone. It doesn't matter how nice you are to others, it doesn't immune you from bullying at all. Being the nice person automatically can make you the doormat to others who can take advantage of you. It's sad, but it's true. As a kid, I never really knew how to stand up for myself, and because of that, I allowed people to walk over me. Even kids who I thought were my friends ended up taking advantage of me. I hid all of it behind a smile... but deep inside, I was hurting so much. I often wondered why I would be the target of getting picked on or bullied by other kids. I was never mean or malicious to anyone. I was nice to others and friendly. Didn't that matter for something? It DOES matter, but it still does not immune you. It took me a long time to realize that. Still, I went through each day hiding behind a smile, and allowing food to continue to be that security blanket for me.

As I got older and heavier in weight, it made me even more of a target to be bullied. Going through puberty was very trying. Imagine going in and out of PE class as a young pre-teen or early teens... afraid to change in front of other girls because you're afraid of what all of the other girls will say when they see you... I dreaded that a lot. Music became my escape from that. Joining the band helped me to steer clear of those experiences especially in high school. I was already dealing with enough. That was just one less thing for me to think about. For the most part, I enjoyed my years in high school marching and concert band. I joined in the 8th grade, and I was hooked ever since! I thought FINALLY!... this is going to be a safe haven for me! No worries from here!   That changed for me during my sophomore year of high school.

The semester before my sophomore year in high school, I made the decision to tryout for the Color Guard in the marching band. My older sister was in the color guard a few years prior and became Captain during her senior year. I thought that because of her experience that I would have that same success. So a cousin of mine who was already on the guard let me borrow her flag so that I could practice what would be my audition routine. Tryouts came, and I was nervous, but excited. I did my routine, and it seemed as if the judges liked it as well. The results came back, and there was my name on the list. I made the line! I was so excited, and looking forward to band camp that summer! Little did I know what would lie ahead in the year to come that would drastically change my life.  Being that we were a smaller guard line that year, I felt like the odd person. I was never the average black girl, and I always took pride in myself for that. However, when you're surrounded by a group of girls who the majority are of the same color as you, that uniqueness can make you feel like the outcast. There were times at practice where I felt like I was targeted by the captains that year. It was intimidating. I felt like I was being ganged up on at times at every opportunity. It got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore, and in the middle of that fall semester of my sophomore year, I went to my band director and told him that I wanted to quit the line. I felt like he sympathized with me, but I don't think he ever related to the ramifications of what I went through. I felt alone, and I eventually realized that I couldn't even count on my close friends at the time to be there for me. Peer pressure is an ugly double edged sword, and it can turn your best friends into your worst nightmare. Especially if they are teamed up with the group that hated you the most at the time. Food was the ONLY thing that I could turn too when I felt like everything and everyone in my life at the time was coming apart at the seams. If you've read my past entries, then you know where all of this lead to.... Losing my will to live and wanting to take my own life at the age of 16.

Going through my adult life, that moment in high school still continues to haunt me. As an adult, you think that you can overcome the situations that you go through, and that it would never happen to you now that you're older. WRONG! You CAN overcome it, and it will make you a stronger person for it; however, no matter how old you are, you can STILL be a target for bullying. I've learned that many times DURING my college years, and  AFTER leaving college at 23 to go into the workforce. I have spent most of the last seven years working in various call centers, and it doesn't matter what kind of call center you work in, the drama is all the SAME. You would think that adults knew how to act in the workplace and that bullying would never be an issue. WRONG! Sadly enough, you can experience dealing with adults (especially women) who STILL have that high school "mean girl" mentality and STILL think that they can treat others like they want to. I've seen that time and time again, and even more so in the last few months.

Speaking as a victim of bullying, the experiences that I went through in my life as a child AND as an adult still  follows me, but it has molded me into the strong woman that I am today. I'm still a nice person, but I left the doormat behind a long time ago and haven't looked back. I have learned many times that you can't please everyone! There is ALWAYS going to be someone that will criticize you for everything that you do, but at the end of the day, you have to realize that it is not your problem to deal with in the first place. That is something for THEM to deal with! It's THEIR problem! The only person that can take the initiative to make a change is THAT person! Until the bullies out there can fully learn and realize that what they do to those they bully CAN affect that person for a lifetime, then bullying will CONTINUE to be an issue.

Bullying is NOT just for kids.

The Will To Live... Part Two.

After having attempted to take my own life at the age of 16, I prayed daily for God to give me the strength, mentally and physically, to get through the remaining years of high school. Thankfully as older kids were graduating and as I was entering Junior year, I finally felt like I came into my own. I felt a little more confident with myself. Not entirely comfortable, but confident enough to hold my head up with a smile. I started to focus on my future while trying to keep any personal feelings or emotions at bay. Going through life with a smile once again, and with that, food being my source of comfort again. Prom would come around, and as I excited as I was on the outside, deep down, I was dreading that moment. I didn't take much so I ended up taking a friend to my Junior Prom. I also dreaded shopping for a dress because of my size. There wasn't a lot of variety in dresses for a girl my size in the late 90s. So I had to settle for the darker colored dress. I felt beautiful, but not as beautiful as all of the other girls.  Being a plus sized girl in high school was definitely a recipe for low self esteem!

As senior year rolled by, and I was looking forward more and more to graduation. Graduation meant freeing myself from high school and moving toward a new chapter of my life. Granted, I would miss my friends, but I was looking ahead to brighter days in a new place.. a new venture.. COLLEGE! I attended Auburn University after graduating high school in 2001. I wanted to tackle the big university. I thought I was mentally and emotionally ready! Bring it on, right?! Well, it was different that I would ever expect it. I felt like a little fish in a HUGE pond. It also didn't help that I spent my two years at Auburn in an all girls dorm filled with mostly sorority girls who had what I thought were the PERFECT bodies. Talk about feeling insecure... Once again, I hid all of that behind my smile, and I remained friendly to everyone I would meet. The main difference with college was marching band was no longer my main source of physical activity. I made that choice not to march in Auburn's band, and that meant, more junk food. More time in the cafeteria. Instead of taking advantage of walking to classes, I used that transit like nobody's business. The less active, the better. I  was just lazy, but I was okay with that... for that point at least. I kept busy with being in concert band and gospel choir, but food was still a security blanket for me.

Fast forward to Spring semester 2003.... I was 20, and at the point of no return. It felt like 16 all over again, and once more, I was ready to take my own life. Food couldn't get me out of this one again. I needed to stop this cycle, and I believed that the only way to do it was to move away from everything I ever knew. Auburn was just too close to home for me, but it didn't feel like my home. I needed a change. At that point, my brother was graduating high school and accepted to Jacksonville State. I took the initiative to apply there as well, and I was accepted not too long after applying. There it was. My ticket to freedom!

Finally, I had that will to live once again.

I arrived to Jacksonville State in the fall of 2003, and for the first time since graduating high school, it felt like home to me. JSU was a lot smaller than Auburn, but the beautiful campus made up for it. The only people I knew was my brother and a close friend from home, but I was determined to make my mark. I knew the way to make my mark was to be a part of the marching band there. The JSU Marching Southerners. I auditioned for the Drumline a few months prior, and initially didn't make it. However, I bonded with a person who was in the same boat as I was, and we ended up being runners for the line. Because of that, I ended up making so many friends throughout the band that are now my lifelong friends. Being a part of Southerners would bring some level of physical activity back into my life. I had been out of shape for so long and had continue to be dependent on food for comfort. No matter what, food was still a security blanket. I took advantage of the meal plans, and spent my time in the cafeteria on a daily basis. Instead of walking to class on some days, I drove to class or carpooled. Once again, settled in my comfort zone.

Throughout the last ten years since then, my weight has ballooned up and up. Especially since I started drinking alcohol once I got to JSU. The pounds were adding up. I tried so many fads. So many diets. Doing it for so many reasons, but the most important reason. MYSELF. When I left JSU in April 2006, I was around 290 pounds... and since then, my weigh on an up and down rollercoaster... and with that, came the moments were I was in that vicious cycle again. Allowing events in my life to affect my eating and take away my will to live.

So many times, I was advised by my doctor to cut back and be more active. I would do it for a period of time and be successful. It would last until something drastic happened in my life... a death.. a loss of something or a someone, and food would once again comfort me. I have always identified as being an emotional eater. Eating just to make it through life. Food being a security blanket for me because it never let me down.... Summer of 2010, I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis, and you would think that would be the catalyst to finally change to be a healthier me.... May of 2012, I allowed my health get to a breaking point to where I was on the verge of sending myself to an earlier grave... and I made minor changes, but never to the point of permanent change. I became too content with everything. I was happy, but not at the healthiest that I know that I could be.

It took my uncle having a triple bypass heart attack back in November of 2012 for things to finally click for me. That was the moment that I realized that I owe it to MYSELF to be the healthiest that I can be. I needed to finally take this journey, and do it for the person who needed it the most. Doing it for ME.

The Will To Live..... Part One.

I just turned 30 on February 17th, and ever since that day, I've had periods of personal life reflection over the last week and a half. It all became very surreal to me on February 19th when I finally received the life changing call that I was waiting for...

When I took the time to look back on the last 30 years, I came to a very daunting conclusion. I have been the "big girl", heavy set, plus sized me for MOST of the last 30 years. It is kind of a sad thought to know that the last time that I was really at a healthy weight was maybe at the age of seven. Kind of makes me wonder... Did it REALLY take 23 years for me to finally take the leap to make the healthy change that I needed to make and for the RIGHT reasons? As a child, I grew up as a PK (for those not in the know, that means Preacher's Kid), and with living in a small town, everyone seem to already have the notion of what the life of a Preacher's family is suppose to be like. Don't get me wrong. I am blessed to have the sweetest and best parents in the world (in my eyes of course), but at the end of the day, we are just like everyone else. We had ups and downs of our own too. No matter what any of us were going through, I had that mechanism in me to keep a strong face and smile for everyone. To never break down or seem weak to anyone. And that is what I did throughout my childhood...

In all honesty, I had a good childhood, but there are moments that I went through that I try to keep as a blur. Private moments that I believe was the fuel for food in general to become a comfort for me... a security blanket. I attended a private Christian school from the ages of four to seven, and things were great. I loved my teachers. I had my good childhood friends. I really loved it!  At the age of seven, my parents could no longer afford for myself or my younger brother to attend that school anymore, and in the fall of 1990, my brother and I started public school. Granted, this was not by first bout with public school as I attended Kindergarten at Fairfax Elementary for a semester, and mentally, I still had horror stories from my time there. This time around, I wasn't as scared about starting a new school, but I wasn't as entirely opened to it. For the first few weeks, I felt like a little fish out of water. I was friendly, but quiet for the most part. I didn't really socialize a whole lot at first. Just observed, and I think because of that, I would get picked on by other kids. I continued to be that nice friendly kid, but I never really stood up for myself. I would just go home crying for most of the time. It also didn't help that my proper sounding voice made "weird" to them. I've always felt like I was different from everyone else. Wiser beyond my years... an old soul. Even as a kid. After my initial few weeks, I started to make a few good friends, socialize more, and excelled in my class while trying to make a good impression with my new teachers. However, none of that didn't immune me from any bullying. Especially as the years went by.

Fast forward to 5th grade. It's goodbye to elementary school and hello to a taste of what my middle school years were going to be like. At this point, I was ten years old, and maybe a good 60 or so pounds heavier than I was at age seven. Not to mention, puberty was on it's way to rearing it's ugly little head on me... and EARLY! Changes, changes, CHANGES?! It was already hard enough to be the heavier of all the girls in class, but now the thoughts of wearing a bra and monthly visits from mother nature?! REALLY?!  PE class all of a sudden became more and more of a drag for me, and once again, boys were being boys and just being mean. I believe at that point, food became a much bigger security blanket than I would realize. Food could never be mean to me, and I felt that because of that, it would be there for me at all times. So why NOT eat?...

As the junior high and high school years drifted by, the pounds would just continue to pack on. I think I was getting close to being 200 pounds by the time I was 14 and starting high school.  In the time of trying to "fit in" and finding where you belong or what "clique" you belong to, none of that mattered to me at all. I already had the mindset of being my own person, and I still remained to try to be friendly to everyone. Deep down, I guess I wanted so much to be liked by everyone. Even people who bullied me or picked on me because of my weight. Being a high school Freshman and a girl was trying on a daily basis. Not to mention being the weight that I was and already developing more curves that most of the girls in my class. It was an awkward experience for me, but that constants the remained in my life during that time were my friends, music, poetry, and yes... FOOD. That all changed for me Sophomore year. It seemed like my world was crashing down, and everyone that was my close friend became my worst enemy and worst nightmare. The strong front that I had, that strong wall.... my smile started to crash down, and it was something that got to a point where food could not help at all.

That was the first time in my life where I lost that will to live.....

It was 1999. I had only been 16 for a few months, and I was at the point of attempting to take my own life. I broke... broke down HARD, and I felt that I couldn't take it anymore. It seemed so contradictory for a Preacher's daughter to want to take her own life...  Everyone had their own cookie cutter view of the Preacher's family's life right? They're immuned from any trials, right? If they only knew... I needed that will to live more than anything at that moment. It would take the prayers of my sweet mother, her cries, and hugs to keep me alive... but for how long?

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself....

I am so many names to so many people...

Most people know me as Laidee Jae or simply Lady J. Others have dubbed me Dark Chocolate or Jamocha. (There's a story behind the nickname "Jamocha" that will always make me giggle. :) I'll share that at a later time.) I've also been known as Momma J, Sassy J, JD, Aunt Jemima... Just WHO am I really?! Jermiria is the name that I was born with. ("How in the world do you pronounce that?" - Something I've heard my ENTIRE life.) My parents call me GER-MY-REE-UH. Though I've heard GER-MA-REE-UH & GER-MEER-REE-UH (Which I've been called the most, and I'll respond to that.), but nicknames are so much simpler when you're growing up in the South. I should be picky when it comes to the pronunciation of my name, but I'm too nice of a person to keep having to do that! Close enough is close enough!

I like to refer myself as a double stuf Oreo in the cookie jar of life. If you've met me or have known me for a long time, it's the perfect description for me! In case you didn't catch on in the first paragraph, I'm a Southern girl! Born & raised in *sings* Sweeeet Home Alabama!  Though throughout periods of my life, I've been told that if you don't have that Southern drawl, then you're not a true Southerner. Well, I think my Yankee accent (Northern swagger is what I call it...) makes me unique! So there! Hahaha!  I've lived my entire life being in nearly two states at once. Lanett is in East Central Alabama next to the Chattahoochee River and practically on the Alabama/Georgia border. Not quite a Georgia Peach, but just as sweet! ;)

Enough about me for right now!

I wanted to start this blog as a way to document and share my current weight loss journey. I wanted to give anyone who is reading this a taste of the lifelong struggle that I have had to endure with losing weight. In retrospect, I hope to inspire others who are just like me and have been through the same struggles with weight loss.

So for those of you who are going through the same journey as me...
For those of you who can relate to the trials and tribulations of trying to be healthier and maybe doing it for the wrong reasons....
For those of you who like me right now finally realize that you owe it to YOURSELF to be the healthiest you can be....

You & I will get through this.... TOGETHER.