Sometimes goodbye IS a second chance....

November 28, 2012.

What does that day mean to me? That day means EVERYTHING.

Rewinding to a few days before that. I was an emotional mess. I allowed myself to be a jealous drunken fool. I was on the verge of not only ruining a great connection/friendship with one person that I loved & cared about more than anything, but also on the verge of literally killing myself... back into that cycle of emotional eating. I was beating myself up so hard. I had reached my breaking point. I couldn't go through it anymore. I was tired of what I was subconsciously doing to myself. I am still young! I still have a lot of living to do, but if I didn't take the initiative to really CHANGE my lifestyle, my eating habits, EVERYTHING for my health, I knew I wouldn't live past 30. Plus it didn't help that with my family history of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.... ALL of those factors were against me & would hit HARD if I didn't make a change.

So what does November 28, 2012 REALLY mean to me?

That was the start of this journey. The day where I realized that I owed it to MYSELF to be the healthiest woman that I can be. The day where I realized that I did not want to go turn 30 and go through my 30s with the same existing health problems. That day I had an appointment with my primary care physician. I stepped on the scale, and I could just cry. 350 pounds. The heaviest I had ever been in my life. I couldn't believe that I allowed myself to get to that weight. I went into the exam room & waiting on my doctor. My primary care physician has literally known me since I was 17. She has literally watched me grow into the adult woman that I am today. So that day, she was not just my doctor. She was my friend, and I was ready to pour my heart out to her. When she walked in, I literally was in tears.  I told her that I'm tired of living in this body & literally killing myself everyday in it. She understood that without any doubt. She knew how much I had struggled with my weight in the years we've known each other. I told her that I was ready to undergo this journey, and I was considering surgery. So she made arrangements to refer me to a great bariatric surgeon located in Lagrange, GA. Dr. Wes Turton. She said that I would first have to go to a weight loss seminar, and then everything else would fall into place then. We talked so more, and I finally felt like a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders. I knew right then, that I made the right decision for myself.

I went home, and I made a game plan. I was gonna start changing my eating and drinking habits right away. I knew what I needed to do for myself, and I was determined to make it happen. I made a vow that I was gonna cut back on the things that were a huge detriment to my health: breads, sweets, sodas, and fast food.  I knew I was taking really drastic means, but I wasn't going to let anyone sway me from that. I was MOTIVATED to make this happen, and I was doing this for ME and no one else.  So that weekend & every other weekend from then on, I went to the grocery store, & I would buy nothing but fruits, vegetables, V8 juice, Naked juice, soy milk, almond milk, high fiber cereals, fat free dressings, high protein tuna & crab, fat free cottage cheese, fat free shredded cheese and spreadable cheeses, fat free crackers, and low fat low calorie soups. Yeah. BIG changes were being made. I wanted to get into the habit of this early on so that when the time came for my surgery, it wouldn't be a huge shock to the body.

So December 13, 2012 was the day of the seminar. I was very excited, but also very nervous because I didn't know what to expect... I didn't know who else would be there. Would there be anyone else I knew at this? So I made it a point to come prepared to take any notes & ask any questions. So I walked into the room, and noticed three other women with their husbands/significant others. I felt a little odd at first for coming in alone, but I refused to let that bother me. Dr. Turton walked in and began the seminar. From the first moment of seeing him, I knew that he would be the perfect doctor for me to help me on this journey. As he was talking about the procedures (Lap Band, Gastric Bypass, Gastric Sleeve), I was already writing notes, filling out form, etc. I felt like I was in a class, but the purpose of this seminar WAS to educate me & help me in my decision making process. When he started talking about the gastric sleeve, I knew that would be the perfect choice procedure for me. After hearing horror stories about the lap band and possible band slippage post surgery, I was dead against it. I was leaning toward Gastric Bypass, but after hearing about the similarities and safer risks of the Gastric Sleeve, I knew that would be the best route for me. So after the seminar, the nurse took my forms, and set the date for what would be my initial appointment with Dr. Turton in January. I got into my car with a sense of WOW.... my life is truly about to change! I couldn't wait for that appointment with him! In the meantime, I would continue on with the changes in my diet. I started walking a few mornings out of the week, and I was drinking water like it was soda! As the weeks went by leading up to New Years Eve, the weight was coming off. I could see a difference. My peers, coworkers, and friends started to see a change. It was such an amazing feeling to see the transformation take place. By the time New Years Eve arrived, I had lost 20 pounds. I was so proud of myself! I couldn't believe that this was happening, and how much progress I was making! I was anxious and excited about what 2013 would be like for me!

The day came for my initial appointment with Dr. Turton on January 8th, and I was just full of excitement and ready to do whatever I needed to do to speed the process of this journey. I walked into the office, and all of the nurses were so kind and welcoming, and that alone would help this process tremendously. So after the nurses weighed me & took my vitals, they took me to the exam room to wait for Dr. Turton. When he finally walked in, I had the overwhelming sense of excitement and anxiety all at once. We discussed about my decision for the gastric sleeve surgery, and from there, he discussed with me the plan of action that I would need to do prior to my insurance company authorizing the approval of this surgery. So within that week, I had the necessary lab work done, went to a nutrition class, and did my psychological evaluation needed to see if I was mentally ready to undergo such a huge change in my life. After all was said and done, all I needed was for my primary care physician to send a letter of proof that I had been morbidly obese for at least five years to send off for my insurance. Now, it was time for the waiting game...

It finally hit me hard. Everything was about to really change... and for the better. I realized that this was not only going to be a physical transformation, but a mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation as well. It was a way of saying goodbye to all of the old habits that were hindering me from being the healthiest that I could be.

In the words of Shinedown, "Sometimes goodbye is a second chance." I was truly getting a second chance at my life, and I owed it to myself to take full advantage of that.