Silly adults! Bullying is NOT just for kids!

The topic of bullying has made such a prominent presence in the news and social media in the last year and a half. It truly breaks my heart to hear of kids that have taken their own lives due to the bullying that they endured while attending school. It hits way too close to home for me. As an adult, I try my best to steer clear of reading tragedies about kids and teens that were bullied because of their race, lifestyle, sexual preference, or their weight.... ESPECIALLY their weight. It brings me back to periods of my life that STILL haunt me to this day. It is true what they say. The things that you go through in your childhood DO follow you into adulthood, and for those who may not have went through it, they can't really relate to it. They can sympathize and empathize with you, but at the end of the day, they can't fully relate. If there is one thing that I have learned in my life that has stuck with me, I have learned that people are going to be JUST who they are. It is not up to us to change them, but it is up to us to express to them how they make us feel. It is up to THEM to make that change in their lives. This definitely applies to bullies AND victims of bullying.

Looking back on my childhood, I felt like I was dealt with a double whammy. I was a fat kid AND a black girl growing up in the South. Talk about a perfect recipe for bullying! Not to mention, I grew up in a small Alabama town AND being the daughter of a Preacher. AGAIN! The PERFECT recipe for bullying! Obviously, God thought I was strong enough to handle this, but I questioned that throughout my life at times. My dad always told me, "If you want to have friends, you have to show yourself to be friendly." That always stuck with me, and that is how I always portrayed to other kids. I was nice and friendly to everyone, and that is not going to be received by everyone. It doesn't matter how nice you are to others, it doesn't immune you from bullying at all. Being the nice person automatically can make you the doormat to others who can take advantage of you. It's sad, but it's true. As a kid, I never really knew how to stand up for myself, and because of that, I allowed people to walk over me. Even kids who I thought were my friends ended up taking advantage of me. I hid all of it behind a smile... but deep inside, I was hurting so much. I often wondered why I would be the target of getting picked on or bullied by other kids. I was never mean or malicious to anyone. I was nice to others and friendly. Didn't that matter for something? It DOES matter, but it still does not immune you. It took me a long time to realize that. Still, I went through each day hiding behind a smile, and allowing food to continue to be that security blanket for me.

As I got older and heavier in weight, it made me even more of a target to be bullied. Going through puberty was very trying. Imagine going in and out of PE class as a young pre-teen or early teens... afraid to change in front of other girls because you're afraid of what all of the other girls will say when they see you... I dreaded that a lot. Music became my escape from that. Joining the band helped me to steer clear of those experiences especially in high school. I was already dealing with enough. That was just one less thing for me to think about. For the most part, I enjoyed my years in high school marching and concert band. I joined in the 8th grade, and I was hooked ever since! I thought FINALLY!... this is going to be a safe haven for me! No worries from here!   That changed for me during my sophomore year of high school.

The semester before my sophomore year in high school, I made the decision to tryout for the Color Guard in the marching band. My older sister was in the color guard a few years prior and became Captain during her senior year. I thought that because of her experience that I would have that same success. So a cousin of mine who was already on the guard let me borrow her flag so that I could practice what would be my audition routine. Tryouts came, and I was nervous, but excited. I did my routine, and it seemed as if the judges liked it as well. The results came back, and there was my name on the list. I made the line! I was so excited, and looking forward to band camp that summer! Little did I know what would lie ahead in the year to come that would drastically change my life.  Being that we were a smaller guard line that year, I felt like the odd person. I was never the average black girl, and I always took pride in myself for that. However, when you're surrounded by a group of girls who the majority are of the same color as you, that uniqueness can make you feel like the outcast. There were times at practice where I felt like I was targeted by the captains that year. It was intimidating. I felt like I was being ganged up on at times at every opportunity. It got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore, and in the middle of that fall semester of my sophomore year, I went to my band director and told him that I wanted to quit the line. I felt like he sympathized with me, but I don't think he ever related to the ramifications of what I went through. I felt alone, and I eventually realized that I couldn't even count on my close friends at the time to be there for me. Peer pressure is an ugly double edged sword, and it can turn your best friends into your worst nightmare. Especially if they are teamed up with the group that hated you the most at the time. Food was the ONLY thing that I could turn too when I felt like everything and everyone in my life at the time was coming apart at the seams. If you've read my past entries, then you know where all of this lead to.... Losing my will to live and wanting to take my own life at the age of 16.

Going through my adult life, that moment in high school still continues to haunt me. As an adult, you think that you can overcome the situations that you go through, and that it would never happen to you now that you're older. WRONG! You CAN overcome it, and it will make you a stronger person for it; however, no matter how old you are, you can STILL be a target for bullying. I've learned that many times DURING my college years, and  AFTER leaving college at 23 to go into the workforce. I have spent most of the last seven years working in various call centers, and it doesn't matter what kind of call center you work in, the drama is all the SAME. You would think that adults knew how to act in the workplace and that bullying would never be an issue. WRONG! Sadly enough, you can experience dealing with adults (especially women) who STILL have that high school "mean girl" mentality and STILL think that they can treat others like they want to. I've seen that time and time again, and even more so in the last few months.

Speaking as a victim of bullying, the experiences that I went through in my life as a child AND as an adult still  follows me, but it has molded me into the strong woman that I am today. I'm still a nice person, but I left the doormat behind a long time ago and haven't looked back. I have learned many times that you can't please everyone! There is ALWAYS going to be someone that will criticize you for everything that you do, but at the end of the day, you have to realize that it is not your problem to deal with in the first place. That is something for THEM to deal with! It's THEIR problem! The only person that can take the initiative to make a change is THAT person! Until the bullies out there can fully learn and realize that what they do to those they bully CAN affect that person for a lifetime, then bullying will CONTINUE to be an issue.

Bullying is NOT just for kids.